While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
