They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I cut my penus on the lid.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
