if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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