I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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