My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
