We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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