He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize