Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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