I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
