YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
