She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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