My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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