I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
