well you can't waste a boner
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
