i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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