Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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