Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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