tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
