All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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