I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
