NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
