if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
