I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My ATM looks so different sober.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
