I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize