my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
