I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
