Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
