I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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