some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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