So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
