I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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