My sheets look like a crime scene.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
