k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize