you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
