she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
