There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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