week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
