Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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