We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
