OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
