3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I want her autograph on my taint
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize