Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
