it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
