If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
