May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
