The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I want to fling myself into the sun
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
