he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
