chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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