it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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