god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
