I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
