i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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