My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
soo... how was my night?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize