Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
