You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize