I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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