As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
