we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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