I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
