We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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