I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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