I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
