last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
