he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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