She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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