Me too!
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
