What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
