it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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