Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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