took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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