After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
