Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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