3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
