My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
