My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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