bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
