Banned from zoo.
Again?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
