I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
