You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
