Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
