I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
